YOU MAKE ME LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN

BEHIND the scenes at the first group rehearsal of the latest production of The Vagina Monologues, there's a steady hum of laughter and nervous chatter. Gail Porter, given the task of performing 17 orgasms per night, jokes that she's terrified she will make a fool of herself. Michelle McManus, the veteran of an Irish production of the show, reassures her that it's an audience favourite. "They'll love you," she insists. "You'll get a standing ovation."
Karen Dunbar quietly surveys the room, but once she loosens up proves funny and thought-provoking in equal measures. Kaye Adams slips straight into interview mode, grilling her castmates – most of whom are mates, only Porter and McManus have never met – about their reactions to the script. LR: Hang on, asking questions is my job! Let's talk about everyone's comfort levels with the material. Kaye, I read that you're really uncomfortable with it? KA: I was
KA: I was much more uncomfortable before I'd read the script. I have got a reputation for being Miss Jean Brodie, which is not unfounded. But it doesn't feel like an excuse to say naughty words for the hell of it. It did take me back to remembering the radical feminism of the 1980s and some of the ideas around at the time. You can see where it comes from.LR: Are you saying it feels dated? KA: No, but when you put it into now, you obviously interpret it differently. I have to say the famous orgasm piece was vaguely coming my way. GP: It was given to you!KA: I welshed on that. I just could not carry that off. I'm quite an inhibited person, I would be crap at it. KD: I thought Kaye would be brilliant at the orgasm monologue.KA: Yeah, but you've never liked me!KD: My feelings were very similar to Kaye's. I thought, 'Ah, please don't let this be fanny jokes.' But when I read the material I thought, 'These are brilliant.' Of course they've got to be, (the show] couldn't have been sustained for so long had it not been a really, really good piece of work. I found the material challenging. One of (my] monologues is called Cootchie Snorcher. It's about a rape. With my profile, (the worry is] how do you put that across without being funny? It's weird for me, standing up in a full theatre and thinking, 'Please don't laugh at this.' MM: I don't have an issue with the content. I hang out with a big group of single girls and this is how we talk. The issue for me is that couldn't perform it in front of my parents. My mum's really liberal, but that's a whole part of my life I do without her being there. I see her on a Sunday when I go to chapel and redeem myself and have Sunday dinner!GP: I'm getting used to it now that I've met everyone; I was quite apprehensive. And I'm (still] a little nervous because I haven't done it before, and I'm from Edinburgh, so all my mates are coming. I've got these 17 orgasms to have at the end and I'm thinking, 'My God, I hope I can pull this off'. They will slate me for evermore if I have really crap orgasms. LR: Is your boyfriend coming? GP: No. We don't talk about sex. I go, 'You want a shag?' and that's it. I read some bits to him and he gets quite uncomfortable. As far as he's concerned his mum's only had sex twice, to produce two kids. KD: You can feel the nervousness in the theatre. When I did it last summer I felt a degree of responsibility to say to the audience, 'It's all right, you're going to have a ball.'LR: What's that nervousness about? KD: There's still a generation that feels sexuality isn't to be talked about and certainly not in company. They even go to the doctor's and say, 'Problems down below.'KA: We appear to talk about sex so much more now, but it's different from sexuality and how women feel about their bodies. There's an impression that we're all so liberal and uninhibited, but that's a kind of smokescreen. GP: When I gave birth to my daughter I got piles and thought my arse was falling out. I had no idea.
LR: My mom taught me the biology, but she didn't say anything about pleasure. Gail, Kaye, what will you tell your daughters when they ask? GP: Honey is six and I've gone through quite a lot in front of her. She asks me things, including what I'm doing here. I said it's a story about noonies, because that's what she calls it. She went, 'Oh, all right. Can I watch television now?' I am trying to explain that when she gets older, she will get hair in places – she just thinks she'll grow into a massive version of me. She doesn't get the whole hair thing. LR: Will you explain that she will also get orgasms?GP: I'll probably leave that until she's seven! But yeah, I want her to be a happy chappie. My mum didn't even tell me about having periods! I thought I'd shit myself. I was really distraught and embarrassed. The shame-based idea is where the majority of us have come from and we're only just beginning to subvert that, mainly with humour. KD: The first port of call to talk about stuff is laughing it up. We need to say that sex is also phenomenal and life-giving. It's great to have a laugh, but we have a long way to go. LR: In an interview, Eve Ensler (creator of The Vagina Monologues] said that female power was rooted in female sexuality. What does everyone think about that? KA: We make too much of promiscuity. But the kind of sexuality that Ensler is talking about is a more profound awareness. I think that a woman who is truly confident and comfortable with her sexuality will be a very powerful individual. But it is a potential Achilles heel for an awful lot of women. They appear totally on top of their game, but could be absolutely felled by one comment from some dodgy wee guy walking along the street.
KD: 'I wouldn't shag you, you honker!'KA: It's interesting the way it can destabilise women who should have every reason to be utterly confident. KD: When I did the show before, it wasn't until about half-way through the run that I found myself examining my own ideas about myself and… oh, let's say it: my own vagina. Isn't that weird? I hesitated. I wouldn't hesitate to mention any other part of the body, but I hesitated there. It's almost like I'm going against all the things I believe in, but when I'm talking about myself…KA: I don't think it's a bad thing to have a sense of privacy. It is intimate.TS: It's the piece of our body we keep covered, to reveal (only] to certain people.KD: We f***ed up seriously somewhere, that we turned the most beautiful thing in the world – sex between two people that love each other – into a power struggle, into shame, into guilt, into remorse.TS: Because it's the most profound relationship you can have with somebody, it's going to always be a problem and cause debate and upset. To be wanted and enjoyed – or rejected – we all take it so personally that I think we're always going to be f***ed up about it.KD: I agree, but there must've been a time when we weren't. MM: I don't think there was ever a time when women sat around talking about their vaginas.
KD: I agree, but there must've been a time when we weren't. MM: I don't think there was ever a time when women sat around talking about their vaginas.KD: Maybe they were sitting outside the cave with their legs splayed, saying, 'Where is he with that f***ing mammoth?' KA: You don't always want to broadcast or make available to everyone something precious and valued – if that's what sex is – but that doesn't mean you are messed up about it. MM: The Vagina Monologues works so well because we do have these natural barriers (about what we discuss]. It's probably one of the only occasions when most of these women will ever hear the word 'c***' spoken or sung, and also hear about orgasms and rape camps in Bosnia. KA: Karen said that it made her reflect. I suppose that's what we hope the audience will do. Laugh it up on the night and the next day start to connect a little bit more about themselves and their feelings.• The Vagina Monologues is at the Edinburgh Playhouse, Greenside Place, until Saturday (0844 8471 660; or go to www.edinburghplayhouse.org.uk). A percentage of ticket sales from the show will be donated to Scottish women's charities.The Cast:KAYE ADAMS (KA): A broadcaster and journalist, she is best known for hosting TV show Loose Women.
KAREN DUNBAR (KD): A regular on Chewin' the Fat, she had her own sketch show on BBC Scotland. She performed a sell-out solo show at last year's Edinburgh Festival and starred in Cinderella at the King's Theatre in Glasgow. MICHELLE MCMANUS (MM): She won Pop Idol in 2003 with more than 6.5 million votes and since then has made numerous television and stage appearances, most notably in a special edition of You Are What You Eat with Gillian McKeith. GAIL PORTER (GP): The television presenter's credits include Fully Booked, The Big Breakfast, Live & Kicking, Top of the Pops and Dead Famous.TIMOTHY SHEADER (TS): The show's director.LEE RANDALL (LR): Yours truly.


Courtesy: Lee Randall
THE SCOTSMAN